Saturday, November 22, 2008

Am I Okay?

So, I'd like to think I'm okay, and you know, for the most part, I think I am. I mean, it's been nearly 3 weeks since mom died now, and since coming back, I've been very busy trying to catch back up in med school. But in quieter moments -- as the children are going to bed, or as I prepare to go to bed -- I realize there's still a profound sadness deep within my heart. And I'm not the only one -- young as they are, mom's passing hasn't been lost on the children either.

Ethan, in his prayers, has started saying, "Please bless yehyeh, grandma, and grandpa to be healthy and safe, and mama to be happy in heaven," and today, after finishing his prayers, added "Dad, I miss mama."

Isaac has started praying fervently to "Please bless Ethan, Isaac, Lilly, and James not to die when they're kids." He was particularly attached to his mama and yehyeh -- in fact, the first sentence out his mouth after Annie told him that mama had died was, "Is yehyeh still alive?"

Lilly, with sweet innocence, when asked about mama the other day, said simply, "Mama is at Jesus' place."

James -- well, James is just James. (And thank goodness for that!)


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Anyhow, moving on to lighter things -- I mentioned building a fence in the backyard the weekend before I skipped town, which I haven't done since I was just a wee thing working for Jack Payne at Classic Landscapes. Good thing, too, since it's been snowy and cold since returning home (more cold than snowy, to be honest, but there's definitely been a bit of both). Annie took photos along the way, so, from start to finish, here it is:

Oct. 30

Measuring and cutting 4' boards with Isaac...

...and Ethan's help.

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Oct. 31

Spacing the rails

Finished view of the rails up...

...and posts lopped down.

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Nov. 1

Carrying boards from garage to backyard.

Nailing in boards.

Last full board! (I had to cut a sliver of a board to fill the gap)

Ethan, my ever-present helper.

Finished product!

8 comments:

LindsayB said...

Clarence. I'm just reading all this about your mom for the first time with tears streaming down. I'm so sorry to hear about this. She sounds like an amazing woman. ( now I see where you get your never ending desire to keep going to school.) I hope you guys are all doing well. Your kids comments about broke my heart. Derek's mom passed away at the end of August this year, and I can see that you, like Derek, have such a strong testimony and faith in the plan that Heavenly Father has for us. Please know that our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
ps, good lookin fence!

heather said...

I might have to boycott your blog. You keep making me sad she's gone, but it's all good, love reading about your kids. On the bright side of everything, you and Annie are doing a fantastic job bringing them up, they've got such great faith too. Nice fence too by the way, and pretty sure you're much more of a wee thing now than you were while slaving at Jack's!... this is Jason btw, not Heather.

nana and atom said...

yeah, your blog posts keep making me cry! stop it! anyway, i love your kids, they are great and obviously learning the correct ways. and good job with the fence!

#15 said...

hey, i'm trying to include happy stuff even in my sad blog posts! plus, i'm just doing what darren used to say about me -- saying out loud what everyone else is thinking anyways :) -- and next time, j, i'll be sure to include better pictures of my guns so you get better sense of my superiorly sculpted (read: not wee) musculature.

Kevin said...

Thanks for sharing the feelings of you and your kids. I'm glad I got to meet Lilly & James and see you all again, even if it was under the most unfortunate circumstances. And...nice fence! Must be nice to have had prior training with which you can bless your own family! Learning from books just isn't the same...

Phannie said...

The fence looked great. I had no idea that you could do that or that you worked for Jack.

Your kids are sooooo cute.

Michelle said...

That is very sweet what all the kids said (of course I already knew Isaac's comment before). And yes, James is still James...avacado and all (you did know that he bit out a chunk of avacado when we were in Winnipeg while we were preparing dinner one night, right? Bee-you-tee-ful fence! Jack would be proud I think!

Candice and Nathan said...

Wow Clarence, look at you with those power tools!