Sunday, September 17, 2006

The Proper Technique for Injury-Free Orange Peeling

The other day, Wifey seriously injured her thumb while peeling oranges for the kids. Laugh if you will, but it was bad enough that three days later, she accidentally bumped her thumb the wrong way and had to bite her lip to keep from cussing out loud. Considering we live in a cuss-free home, that's saying a lot. We've contemplated suing the orange company for physical injury and emotional trauma -- after all, the orange had no label warning of the potential for "thumb injury due to thickness of peel" -- but we can't find a lawyer in Edmonton who'll take the case. Sometimes Canadian benevolence isn't such a good thing -- such an outrage would definitely have been worth something in the U.S.!

So for my inaugural foray into the blogosphere, here's an online tutorial on peeling oranges for your children, especially written so my Canadian readers don't have to experience the same [uncompensated] trauma Wifey just went through.

1. Hold orange in hand (use opposite hand if left-handed), navel up.

2. Make intial circular incision near the top of orange with sharp paring knife.

3. Make four to six evenly spaced vertical releasing incisions extending downwards from the circular incision and converging at the bottom of the orange.

4. Reflect and resect a full-thickness peel starting at the circular incision...

...and continuing sequentially with each vertically released section of peel. Note the use of the index finger to reflect the peel.

5. Use the index finger to begin opening the orange...

...switching to the thumb only when both of the following two conditions have been satisfied: 1) continued use of the index finger becomes awkward enough that dropping the orange becomes a risk, 2) the force required to finish opening the orange has diminished to the point at which thumb injury is no longer a danger.

6. Gently separate each wedge of the orange, being careful not to tear the delicate inter-wedge membranes.

7. Divide the orange according to the number of your children and their appetites.

8. Your kids will love you!