Sunday, October 02, 2016


Two fraternal twin infant sisters are on the floor of their parents' bedroom. One -- the smaller one -- is laying on her back. The other is laying on her tummy beside her, head up and looking over at her.

AMY:               C'mon, roll over.

GRACE:           Why?

AMY:               You can see more from up here.

GRACE:           Because you're like, what, 4 inches higher off the ground than me?

AMY:               Four inches makes a difference. Maybe the air is cleaner up here and that's why you're always getting sick and I'm not.

GRACE:           That's not really fair. I had RSV. My lungs are naturally weak now.

AMY:               I was exposed to RSV, too.

GRACE:           Yeah, but you've always been bigger, so that's why you probably didn't get it. You're bigger, I'm cuter. That's how it's always been.

AMY:               Who says you're cuter?

GRACE:           Everyone does. It's probably my soft, unblemished skin. Yours is rougher and all blotchy most of the time.

AMY:               I have baby eczema. I'll grow out of it. Here, let me feel (reaches over to touch Grace's face).

GRACE:           (flinching away) Don't touch me! Sure you're growing, Miss Piggy. Just look at how much you eat. You can't even make it through the night without a snack.

AMY:               And just because you can makes me a pig?

GRACE:           Yes. The doctor said you weigh over thirteen and a half pounds now. That's over half a pound heavier than me!

AMY:               Please. That's barely any different than the day we were born. Plus, I'm a mover and a shaker -- I need the calories. What do you do but lay there on your back waving your hands and feet around all day?

GRACE:           Hands? Feet? What are those?

AMY:               Exactly. You don't even know. Hands are these things. Great for grasping feet, like so. I'm not really sure what else they are used for.

GRACE:           Huh, I wonder if I have those, too.

AMY:               You do. They're also helpful for pushing up when you roll over.

GRACE:           How's that?

AMY:               You know, when you're... oh, never mind, you probably won't know what I'm talking about. I hardly see you roll. Not on purpose, anyways.

GRACE:           Again with the rolling. It doesn't seem so great to me -- how can you look at the fan with your head up like that?

AMY:               True (rolls over on to her back and looks up at the fan with Grace).

A few moments of silent contemplation pass as they both admire the fan spinning.

AMY:               Mr. Fan -- always so dependable.

GRACE:            I agree.

AMY:               I heard dad setting up our cribs the other day. Who do you think is going to get moved over first?

GRACE:           Probably me. You always go to bed so early. Plus, mom already jury rigged James's light -- you know the turtle that you like -- above the bed for you. I don't think she'll want to go through all that trouble again if she can help it. I'm happy enough with the cow jumping over the moon light.

AMY:               I can't wait until we get our own rooms. You always take up more than your half of the bed when you sleep.

GRACE:           Do not! You're the one who's always shimmying off your boppy in your sleep.

AMY:               I'm just trying to get away from you. (Rolls back to her front as she speaks, ending up on top of Grace.)

GRACE:           Hey! What the... get off me! Is this your idea of getting away from me?

AMY:               (Trying to push herself off, but getting stuck.) Sorry... I'm trying... I can't... If only I knew how better to use... aargh... (lets her head collapse on Grace in frustration).

GRACE:           (Wailing) Dad!! Dad!! Amy won't get off me!!

AMY:               So... tired...

GRACE:           Daaaaaaaaaaaad!!!!!!!

AMY:               (Making one final effort) There. I'm off. Happy?

Both pause to look around as they hear a click and see a flash. In horror, they see Dad in the corner taking pictures.

TOGETHER:    Dad!!!!

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